It is funny in fact when you come to realize that the person that is supposed to understand and know you the best can be so oblivious at times, or most of the time. I don't think he is the right person, the right friend, if there is such thing.
I feel ashamed of sharing my problems with him because he seems so perfect and completely happy with everything around him that I just don't have the heart to ruin it with my 'sometimes stupid silly dilemmas.'
The worst thing though, is that I know this person feels the same... although he has never mentioned it; I am not his confident, best friend, lover or anything remotely close to that. We've talked about this, but nothing has changed. I think I held on to a fantasy, a romance that was never real. I was never really in love, it was astounding lust, lust, lust.
And now I am lost,
It was silly of me to think that writing this would help me out. I feel even worse... I really wish you could trust me. I really wish we could be friends, who knows even more than friends? damn it.